This is the first time that I write in my blog but unfortunately that my mood is not in the good mood as it supposed to be to launch a blog and be happy about it.
30 years of my life.. I feel like I'm having many bitter experiences (as many as the sweet ones) that put me into this situation in my life now. Some of those are based on my in-logical thinking that I had when I am in love, let myself got blinded by love (if it was love!) and all the stupidity that gets into me whenever I lost my rational thinking. And some others are just fate, I guess and all the factors that just beyond my control.
In some parts of my life, I am doing pretty well and even great. Like social life, career and family.. Many would have been willing to trade place with me. But as much as they are important, the most sensitive part (read: love life) seems to ruin everything just by a blink of an eye.
Right now, the good parts seem to be affected by the bad parts. Because it's hard to concentrate at work.. lack of energy to do things.. even so little motivation to get up from bed every morning. It takes so much effort to take care of myself, to eat well, simply to laugh and be happy. I need to be with the right people or else I will just get worse. Right now, I feel like hiding inside a cave which life is 15 hrs working and an intense long hours time behind the screen (read: laptop) either it's blogging, social networking, browsing, emailing or just watching dvd. It starts to make me sick now to have 'online BF' (if I can call him a BF!) who never talk! Writing is not talking and I feel like I'm running out of patience anymore. I just need to runaway for now.. I need to seek professional help, just like he recommended me. I start to get out of my social circle for a little while now.. I am not interested to meet people and pretend to be happy. I need to solve this mess within me first.
Parent's divorce, failed relationships and engagement, being cheated, being dumped by an asshole who is younger than me and not even having a settle job, being emotionally frustrated with long-distance lover who is never even call me for 4 years! Not even a single Hi... who just having ability to write me and doesn't want me the way I wanted him in my life. Mix of them creating a volcano which I don't want this 'volcano' to explode. I can't go on and continue like this or I will ruin the other good parts of my life. I can't spell out my anger and frustrations to other people, who is not even guilty - my colleagues, my family, my friends, etc.. the ones that I love. I can't.
I don't want to end up miserable too, as i know that i am too good for that. I'm just having a hard time in this phase of life that I need to go through. The demands to be a good daughter, good employee, good friend, etc just seems too hard for me now but I know I will pass this someday. I just need to wait 'till it's happening.
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